my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
