Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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