it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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