How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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