Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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