I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
