So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
