We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
