That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
