Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
