I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize