he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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