It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
