She is in my trunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
