i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
