I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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