True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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