I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
