Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
