What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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