nut hugger
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize