There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
