Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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