She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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