This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
should my penis look like a turkey
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
