i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize