i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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