I don't usually arrange sex via text message
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize