What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
