Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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