My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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