you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
