Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize