THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
