it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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