it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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