I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
