Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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