If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
