you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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