I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
