Where did you get a picture of my penis
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
