That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
