ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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