I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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