New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
