I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
