The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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