in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
