I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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