I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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