my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
