im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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