I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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