is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
