I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
