would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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