I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
nutella sex= disaster
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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