ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
