I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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