I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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