Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
