the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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