just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
