Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You pole danced in your parka.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
