So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
