he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
