Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
