You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dick has a subreddit
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
