Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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