seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
