Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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