bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am one with the molecules
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
