Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
