that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
