I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize