ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize