I want to have your abortion
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
