I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
