just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
