Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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