Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
