if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
