So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
