: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize