Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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