remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
