Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
