I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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