you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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