she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
