I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
